Sunday, July 29, 2012

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The Olde Duchess Begins in Sport

The Duchess of Hagg has Begun Lessons in the Sport of Agility at the Ripe Ol' Age of  9 1/2 (That's approximately the human age of 70)

"After all.....If the old Queen can jump from the Heli into the Opening Ceremonies of the 2012 Olympics, why can't I begin sporting lessons?"

by Nessie the Monster, Duchess of Hagg

1953 Coronation of Elizabeth II
Parachuting into the Opening Ceremonies

Where the bloody hell is that Duchess of Hagg and those Chamberlains?
I do hope they are bloody where they are supposed to be.  I can nevah evah trust them.  Probably off playing some sport and not attending to her proper duties.   Humph.

As I promised you some time ago, I had my Royal photographer come to my sporting club to take pictures of my skill while I learn this fabulous sport.  I am not able to do quite everything yet, but with enough practice, I am confident.  After all, that old bat the Queen, having really loosened up finally after all these years, just jumped from a heli to the Olympics opening ceremony.  Who knew she had that in her, the old codger.  She's Eighty-Bloody-Six you know!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

I'll Not Be Labeled a 'Party Pooper'!

Some Further Reflections on this
Agility Sport with respect to 
Lord Malcolm and Lady McKenzie

by Nessie the Monster, Duchess of Hagg

It has come to m' attention that we may have insulted one of our most esteemed Chamberlains, the Lady McKenzie.  While it has been commonplace that she previously ran willy nilly 'round the Dog Club without regard to instruction;  and seemed to deserve the name 'Kenzie McFrenzie,  it would appear (and I use the verb loosely) that she has come to her highly regal and intelligent senses.  We hereby state, without wishing to inflict any further insult to our most beloved Mistress of the House, that we do indeed, respect and admire her not only for her beauty but also for her energy.  We are regretful of any insult or injury to her honour and pride and wish to categorically state for the record that We have been taken aback by the boundless strength, endurance and athleticism that she exhibits in countless ways 'round the Palace.   It has never been Our intent to minimalize her contribution to Our Royal presence.  We therefore, beseech her forgiveness for said insult even as she has called US a derogatory blaspheme in intimating that We are party poopers.  Enough.  We will see an end to this discussion 'once for all'.

Monday, July 9, 2012

'Kenzie McFrenzie?? Humph!

 A Dialogue by Lady {emphasis please, on the title, Lady}
with respect to the notion that she is a bit hyper-active....

{try this all in one breath and very fast}

I am hurt, I am flabber-ghasted, I am a titch exasperated and quite a lot annoyed at the name calling that has been going on at the Palace of late at my expense and I wish to make comments on my own behalf at this moment because I know you would like to be informed of the Truth (and yes, there are Capital 'T' truths) involving any and all incidents with respect to me-self and that Old Hagg, the Duchess who never fails at any point in time to try and compromise my influence with the public and has resorted to the base-est of all behavior which is to call me names that are really not entirely reflective of my True nature and countenance and that can be viewed by the Common Public as detrimental to me-self, me-career and me-following, let alone that name calling in general is beneath the dignity of a Duchess (which is probably why she has been turned down time and again for the title of Princess -- may she never receive that title) and is certainly offensive to me and to my following and is just plain rude!

{breathe, PLEASE}

I'm so fast, I can't be captured.

I do admit that I am much quicker than she is and I attribute that to my youth and vigor.  I adamantly state for the record that I am not a 'hair-brained' crazy person running willy-nilly all over the place.  You can certainly judge from my writing style that I'm quite dignified and reserved.  And for the record, I DO love agility.  And when the mention of it came up I did become a bit passionate in my speech and a wee bit excited.  I love it more than almost anything except jogging with my bicycle.  The TRUTH is, that I love to run.  I can run very fast and I have a lot of endurance which is much different than my brother, Lord Malcolm who has absolutely no endurance what-so-ever.  He gets crazy tired and out of breath and crashes hard to the floor and won't get back up after just running for a matter of a few minutes.  I, on the other hand, can go for hours and hours.  I am a long distance runner and because of that, I can pace me-self.  But just because I love to run, doesn't make me 'Kenzie McFrenzie, does it?????  I dare say!  That Old Hagg the Duchess just started her agility class and thinks she's really smart just to go through a tunnel.   Well, I can do a Teeter-Totter and an A-Frame.  I'll bet she can't do that!

Sometimes, when there are a lot of other dogs,, my servant will  add  a leash so that if I pull or lunge, she can correct me.  That leash does not get used except for corrections.  It is very loose, as you can see.  I can't pull her down if I do lunge, but without the regular leash, there is no way for her to teach me what I did was wrong.

Humph!  Just because I run around the ring a couple of times or because of those few times I ran out of the ring (I saw a cousin of mine and wanted to say hi, but he wasn't in a very friendly mood) and just because I don't come back right when someone calls (big deal.  I have my own agenda), they think it's Okay to call me 'Kenzie Mc Frenzie!  Well, it's not Okay!  I am a Lady and I will appreciate your respect.

Thank you for listening and I await the apology from her-self, the Duchess.  In the meantime, enjoy these pictures.  And yes, this post is ALL ABOUT ME.

Jogging with my Bicycle

Going up the Dog Walk

One paw always has to touch the yellow on the way down

Notice the servant all ready leaning back before I even get into the tire.  This will help divert my attention from running forward and I'll come back 'round to her without running away.