Friday, October 28, 2011

What Chamberlains Are Supposed to Oft'Times Hard to Say...

A Question of Crating

by Nessie the Monster, Duchess of Hagg

When it comes to my staff; they are all over the place in terms of excellence.  My Chamberlains are absolutely THE WORST Chamberlains any well respected Duchess, such as myself, could ever imagine in their worst of nightmare scenarios.  On the other hand, the staff that they have hired (I cannot tell you how fortunate they are) are without question, the most excellent of servants. The woman who they have hired to do the cooking, washing up, straightening, shopping, chauffeuring, and grooming of we, the Royal House of Hagg, is quite exceptional indeed. She takes care of everything so beautifully that there is NO EARTHLY REASON why the Chamberlains cannot take care of the business of the Bed Chamber (their ONLY duty).

Now.  Let us discuss the bed chamber.  I, being a Royal Blue Blood, have a very ornate and comfortable private room which allows me to relax, rest, take snacks, play games and even entertain (with conversation -- please get your mind out of the ditch) certain other Nobles when I choose.  All I ask of above said Chamberlains is to keep quiet and out of the way while I'm asking for my 'alone' time.  It would be nice if they would clean m'privey every once in a wee while, but they leave that up to that woman they have hired.  Heaven's Forbid if she ever takes another job or even worse the Queen herself, find out about her.  She would be whisked away in a matter of seconds and I would be left with a disaster of a staff to deal with.

Just Take a Look at This Evidence of Their Work

Yes.  Now you see what I'm talking about..............

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

3 Boxers and a Dremel

{To be read from Nessie the Monster's point of view....remember; she's a Duchess!} 

Because my Chamberlains were having a big birthday bash, I thought I would get them a present. Not that they really deserved a present.  But even though my name is Nessie the Monster;  I am a GOOD Monster with a very big heart.  (My people love me dearly and I look after them very well).  After all, they (my Chamberlains) do nothing but play sport all day and when they're not doing that, they are usually eating something they shouldn't or sleeping. Heavens Forbid if they ever did their job and actually looked after my estate!  But, after all, they are young and not only that, but they are not the best Chamberlains that a Duchess such as myself could ask for.  So, under the circumstances and because of my benevolence, I wanted to get them a present.

Now.  The question became, {pompous British accent} "Oh deary me!  What shall I get such Chamberlains who all ready have so much and, if they don't have it, they are well-to-do enough (because of my benevolence), to acquire whatever they desire?"  I thought and thought and finally I asked the Royal Chef/Gardener/Cleaning Woman/Chauffeur.  (The House of Hagg has had to make drastic cut backs in staff and some are beginning to complain of being overworked and underpaid).  This much trusted servant of the House of Hagg had a very good idea.  She confided in me that she thought she heard a 'clicking' sound the last time she drove them to their Agility Sporting Facility.  Each time they would run up the A Frame and the Dog Walk (I do not know why it's called a Dog Walk), she could very clearly hear 'clicking' sounds.  She had assumed that it must be their nails.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

It's Our Birthday and We'll Party Like We Want To!

Well! I just don't know what all the 'hoop-la' is! So, they just turned 2. Blah, Blah. All I ever hear is how cute they are and how good looking they are. And now it's how athletic they are and it's their stupid birthday.........I'm so sick of hearing about the twins. It doesn't matter. I'm still the Duchess.
We are so good lookin'! Can someone please pass the cake?

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Finally! The Servants are Beginning to Speak Clearly!

{Note to Reader:  The following post is to be read with a very pomp0us, hooty-tooty, high and mighty British accent.  Think of a cross between Queen Elisabeth and Jonathan Hunt from Fox News.  It may help to picture them as you read, and I have provided links to help you with that.  All other notes to readers will be in smaller text and enclosed in brackets.}

Every little girl dreams of one day, becoming a Princess.  Those of us who have been blessed (some would say cursed) with this; the highest of social status, Blue Blood Royalty, know the realities of such honourable service to the small people of our most esteemed country. {For information on how to become a Princess, please watch this 4 minute video}.  

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Lady McKenzie and Her 'Light Bulb' Moment

As you know, Lady McKenzie is A.D.D.  (And, No.  She has not been diagnosed by the Royal Doctor--just by me, her faithful and loyal servant).  So much so, that she simply can not focus on any one task at a time.  She can't.  She is wired to keep 20 things spinning 'round in that wee brain at the same time.  Too much to focus on performing one simple task to perfection.  For example, she knows very well how to sit.  She also knows how to spin, run, jump, bark, wait, lay down, play dead and many other various  wonderful activities.  So, when asked to sit, all those other things come first and then the sit.  It's just more fun to show off everything you know all at once.  With all that going on in her brain, she gets really startled by unexpected noises or movements or smells or shadows.  Yup.  She's pretty much a scared- y cat.  So I've had to really work with her to 'get over it' and 'move on'.  If an airplane flies over, she's scared.  If a truck goes by, she's scared.  If a breeze blows a bunch of leaves by, yep, she's scared.  If the teeter moves (which is what makes it a teeter), she's scared.  That's why she was 'held back' in beginning agility.  She got scared on the teeter and would never go back.  Period.  Done.  Not doin' it.