Thursday, July 14, 2011

Momma Got a New Kidney and We Got Screwed!

..........a new kidney shaped sofa, that is!!!!!!

I can't say as I blame her.  I mean the old sofa was 15 years old and us dogs had made it really comfortable but kinda smelly.  Momma had washed the slip covers as many times as the zippers could hold up, but after a while, well....she wouldn't even sit on it and she just gave it to us.  We really liked that old sofa.  We were kinda sad to see it go.........

Where's Nessie?

Mom said she just couldn't take it anymore and one day last week, she just left.  And when she came home, she was all feelin' good and everything.  And the next day, these guys showed up and they brought this really good lookin' kidney shaped sofa that has leather and wood trim and nail heads.  (That must be good, cuz Mom keeps talking about it.....).  When it came and the guys left, McKenzie put her wee chin on the cushion and rolled her eyes at Momma as if to ask the ultimate question;  "Can we get up there?"  Momma flat out said "NO".  Can you believe that?  I mean, who needs a sofa if you can't get up there?  McKenzie said, "I thought we were gonna get screwed on this one!"  She turned and walked away and none of us have even attempted to get on the new stupid looking dumb kidney shaped sofa again!  We now have to lay down on the hard floor.  I totally can't believe how much things have changed lately.  We are soooooo screwed!

I'll just keep dreaming of the old days.........

Monday, July 4, 2011

This Younger Generation of Boxers.........tsk, tsk, tsk.

Well.  As you know, or should, I am a Duchess.  I lead a very privileged life.  But being a Duchess is not all glamour and self indulgence.  I have people to discipline and staff to co-ordinate.  I have a full social calendar and at my age, life is not always easy.  Just last night, I heard some very loud explosions and I thought that my country, The House of Hagg, was under attack.  I hear there is a great likely-hood that this will happen again tonight.  I must worry about these things because I am the Duchess of Hagg and it is my sworn duty to protect and defend my country at all times.
Nessie the Monster, Duchess of Hagg

In fact, I was so fretful and worried last night that one of my Chamberlains, Lady McKenzie persuaded my driver (who is allowed to live here) to wrap me in a very fine cloak.  I believe I heard her calling it a Thundershirt.  (Search my Favorite Products Page  for Thundershirt/anxiety wrap)  Well, let me tell you that I indeed found this cloak so comforting that I wanted to wear it to bed.  It reminded me of my younger days when my mother used to protect and hug me until I felt better.

Oh, me oh my!  Speaking of young people.  I simply do not understand this next generation!  I believe that I've all ready informed you of the connection device that my driver has attached to the bicycle.  (See the May 20th posting of the Adventures.....etc.)
Lord Malcolm running in a campground at Red River!   Note the flyswatter. Oh my!

Search my Favorite Products Page for

Bike Tow Leash


Well, it seems that that was NOT intended for a sort of "one-off" event.  That person even hired another driver with another bicycle and they both expect us to simply run along beside them.  Well it is absolutely beneath me!  I will not run willy nilly 'round some place that the driver decides to take me.  After all.  I AM a Duchess.  I decide when to run.  And where. 

But those two Chamberlains of mine.  They seem to enjoy it!  They see those bicycles come out and they absolutely go 'cracker-dog'!  It would seem that they actually want to go.  And you should see them when they come back home after running willy-nilly and full out.  Oh my goodness!  They just slurp water, drool, find the coolest place to simply plop down and then they start laughing.  I will never understand this generation.  Not as long as I live.  We have responsibility you know.  But I do understand the need for exercise, in a much more dignified manner, of course.   That is why I have enrolled myself in a ballet class.  After all.  I have always enjoyed the ballet and it does require quite a lot of flexibility and muscle tone.  

The Duchess in her Ballet Outfit

And yet another thing these young Chamberlains do is atrocious!  A foreign animal approached our front window today and the Keepers of the House (after all, that IS what a Chamberlain is!) destroyed the house instead of keeping it.  They knocked over the table that had my beautiful and very large bouquet of Red, White and Blue flowers. ( The male driver had brought them home to me earlier in the week. )  And in so doing, they broke my good English stoneware which was made by Spode and I'm very upset.  The maid had a lot of work to do to clean up the mess. 

 In light of Lord Malcolm and Lady McKenzie's mis-behavior;  I have ordered my driver to begin using a flyswatter (Search for fly swatter) as a training aide.  There are very strict rules in place.  The flyswatters are always clean (not ever used for a fly), they are kept by the front door at all times, but out of reach of the two idiot Chamberlains I've been stuck with.  (you know, they will eat a flyswatter?)  The drivers are to take them in hand at any time the Chamberlains get ruffled up about something;  which for them could be just about anything, like something as simple as a person coming to the door.  A big rule is that the drivers are not to beat my Chamberlains.  I will not condone any violence toward them.  They may be a bit crazy, but they are MY Chamberlains and I will not have violence in my house.  However, in an effort to maintain order, the drivers simply hold the flyswatters in their hands and watch as the silly fools go scampering away.  Who knew?  Chamberlains are scared of flyswatters!  They are instantly well behaved and I have order, peace and quiet.  Life can be lovely at times.

Lord Malcolm and Lady McKenzie
Chamberlains to the Duchess of Hagg