Friday, May 20, 2011

The Adventures of Nessie the Monster, Duchess of Hagg and her Chamberlains, Lord Malcolm and Lady McKenzie

It all started with the Royal Nuptials of Prince Willy and his Waity Katie, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. ....... As it happens, I decided to host a small tea. I chose the snug of a small Pub in a little known Bed and Breakfast known as the House of Hagg. The food is ususally quite nice and the atmosphere is authentic, the service impeccable and the bone china, the envy of Tulsa Society. I sent out invitations, ordered the cake and cookies and my Chamberlains and I got dressed and waited. To my chagrin, I recieved no responses. It seems that Tulsa is a desolate village full up of self centered and very rude young people who have no up bringing what-so-ever! It seems that they do not have a clue that RSVP indicates that a RESPONSE is needed. So in total and utter humiliation, my Chamberlains and I sat down to a lovely tea without any guests what-so-ever. You may notice the sad looks on our faces. I tell you, if ever I have a thought of celebrating such an occaision again, I have charged my Chamberlains to simply avoid my requests to send out invitations.

The next day, in order to invigerate ourselves, we purchased a vintage bicycle complete with basket, water carrier and an extremely inventive connection device. We have hired a driver who pedals along while we each in turn jog right beside. It is quite exciting! Lady McKenzie took to the whole process very quickly, but we all enjoy it immensly. We have played certain games while jogging in hopes that we may win the story contest after each run. For example, Lord Malcolm really had to "go" one time and the silly thing wouldn't stop. He tried biting at the spokes of the back wheel to no avail and then tried to stop the driver's leg from pedaling by using such force with his teeth as to make the driver go into a rage. What a lovely story that was! Also, Lady McKenzie had quite a tale (pardon the pun). The front tire hit quite a large bump in the road and she tried to pull the bicycle and driver to the ground, to no avail. The contraption that holds us in place is really quite remarkable! We are forced, it would seem, to stay at a "heel" position and cannot bite or lunge in any way.
All in all, we have a wonderful time and it really helps to get the pent up energy out of our system. I'll have our driver post a picture of the thing so you can see it. I think this is a remarkable product and I'm considering selling it to my other society friends.
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